When you look up self-compassion on Google, it says that this is when you extend compassion to yourself during times of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering.
When people talk about critics, the saying is that “we are our own worst critic, or enemy".
Well if this is true, I suppose it could also mean that we are not nearly as self-compassionate as we are compassionate with other people.
And if these things are true, then I ask you why are others more deserving of your compassion then you yourself?
Not Being Self-Compassionate
Being self-compassionate does not mean you are making excuses for bad behaviors, it also doesn’t mean you are selfish. Being self-compassionate means that you accept your behavior, take responsibility for it, and hopefully learn and grow from it.
When a young child can’t fit a block into another item they don’t tell themselves that they are inadequate because of it. They keep trying to fit the block in or ask for help.
It’s a learning process.
A child a bit older than the toddler with the block doesn’t feel inadequate when they trip and fall, they get back up and start playing again unless it really hurt…then they seek comfort and begin playing again afterwards.
After the first stages of our life our self-compassion diminishes some, not for everyone but if you are reading this post, chances are it has. We start to feel inadequate, or like a failure. We aren’t bouncing back like these younger children because of it.
As we got older, making mistakes became a bad thing instead of a learning thing, and this is where we went wrong.
It isn’t because we don’t think we can learn, it’s because we started to judge ourselves for these mistakes or accidents instead of being self-compassionate and accepting them as a new learning block.
Practicing Self-Compassion
Being kinder to yourself after a mistake is not going to ruin anything. Accept what you did or did not do and try better next time.
If you struggle with self-compassion, here are some ideas to help you with that.
Ø Be tolerant of yourself.
Ø Practice self encouragement.
Ø Be patient with yourself.
Ø Accept that humanity also means flaws and you are not the only one with them.
Ø Remind yourself that perfection is saved for a flawless jewel not humans.
Ø Balance your feelings with perspective, it probably isn’t as bad as you think.
Ø Treat yourself like you do your friends, accepting the shortcomings and still loving them.
Ø Allow yourself to feel, accept that you felt it, and tell yourself it was OK to feel. You are not a terrible person for getting upset.
Ø Practice self-acceptance! Embrace all parts of you, if there is something you dislike work on it don’t let it discourage you.
Ø Let go of what you feel the world thinks about you. Let go of trying to be what others want you to be. Be what you are and grow for yourself.
Final Thoughts
We are hard on ourselves and being self-compassionate doesn’t mean you will lack the discipline to change direction in the future. In fact, it will probably make it easier to figure out how to reassess your situation.
When we get upset, we don’t think as clearly. If we do something wrong and give up, well the world keeps spinning as you stop in your tracks. By being more compassionate with yourself giving up just wouldn’t be an option.
The children don’t give up because they know they are learning. The thing is, we never actually stop learning.
Best regards,
~TKNott~
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