So, my anxiety has been at some of the worst points that it has ever been at. A constant panic mode that has lasted for 2 and a half months now, and I finally made the choice to reach out and see a therapist from advice given to me by my psychiatrist. I can’t tell you that I am all better finally after a few sessions, but I can tell you that I have had much more communication about the things that have really bothered me for a long period of time. And that actually feels helpful, and scary. Letting go of past trauma that you have let yourself refuse to think about is hard. They’re all pieces of you, not helpful ones but you’ve held on for so long and thought you were ok, and it turns out that you really aren’t. And that is where I am at now, working on letting go of things that I thought didn’t bother me anymore. They became my monsters, and I would just live with them, I learned how to live with it. But letting it go and allowing myself on a path of healing is much better than what I have been dealing with.
Now, therapy is not for everyone. And if you have no interest in it, I totally condone that because I really do get it. For me this was a matter of the way I was dealing with things and wanting to be a better healed version of me for my kids and my relationship. Some people are able to figure out how to help themselves without therapy, and for a while I was able to also. But it is ok to need help. It's ok to not be ok. And I have not been ok, and I found the necessary strength to get help. Sometimes help doesn’t look like therapy. Sometimes it looks like a drive in the woods with a trusted friend or a bright sunny day with a slight cooling breeze that just smells so sweet. The thing is, nothing helps unless you are allowing it to help you. Not therapy, not a walk, not socializing, or being with your dog, not unless you let it.
I was hell bent on how I used to live and didn’t want to ask for any help at all. I had people I would sometimes open up to otherwise I just used my vices. This was me being scared and allowing myself to just bury all of my problems. Sure, I would live with and deal with it, and it takes so much strength to do that. But it takes a lot more strength to reach out to someone, anyone and let yourself heal. And I think you have that strength; I think everyone has that kind of strength. Silently allowing yourself to suffer will bring you so far down that sometimes you cannot even find your way up. So, if therapy isn’t for you, then open up to someone else, someone you trust. Someone who will just listen to all that you need to get off your chest so you can find a way out of the darkness. Do this for yourself because you deserve to find a way out of the hole. No one should have to be alone in a world with over 7 billion people. So don’t let yourself, find the strength you have and tell someone that you need help. That you are alone, and even scared. Be brutally honest about what you are feeling. And if you can’t do that with people you know reach out anonymously to a group on social media, or even to me. Talking about things is only the first step, the healing comes later and takes time.
Best Regards,
~TKNott~
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