In order to have any kind of peace within yourself you need to accept yourself. When you have mental illnesses, it can be hard to accept who you are, you can’t always see your worth when you are suffering. Especially when you suffer silently and have no one to talk to about your issues. The thing is though that there will always be a way out of that, even when it isn’t always clear. I did a post about how I found my inner strength, but strength is different than finding an inner peace.
Although I have my issues and have trouble keeping it, I can say I have found a way to some peace within myself. And the first step was being away from anything toxic to my mental health. People, and situations. Also reminding myself over and over again that people will always talk no matter what, so I can just be myself and real people will gravitate towards me. Real people as in those who aren’t two faced for example, let’s face it that is toxic for everyone.
Everyone has a different path they take, and that they need to take. But one thing is constant, and that is that people thrive on relationships. Humans are relational people and isolation is one of the hardest things you can do to your mental health. I don’t mean hard as in it takes strength, I mean hard as in it hurts your mental health. Even without a mental illness it can be hard on your mental health.
I am almost always by myself besides having kids around and let me tell you about that. I have problems holding down a job because of my mental health, it is part of why I am attending school for business. Because I can be my own boss. So, for now, I don’t work I am a stay-at-home mom with lots of children. During the time that I have not worked this is what has happened. I have lost confidence in my ability to talk to people. I have more anxiety. I don’t reach out to my friends very much (I usually only reply if they message me first). I don’t have any friends in the place I currently live. I have lost even more interest in the things that I love to do.
The appeal to work just so I can regain who I used to be is strong, but I also know how it ends when I work. At first it wasn’t this bad not having a job or a social life, I got more time to do things I enjoyed and of course I miss the kids when I work. I found that inner peace I craved so much from not being around people who I knew were toxic to me. It took isolating myself to really see who I am. Before I was real snotty and rude to people and bluntly honest. I’m not all rude and snotty now, still bluntly honest and raw though. It is a quality I like about myself, being able to give the brutal truth. Though I don’t do it rudely anymore!
I have found that having a moment to be myself truly helped me, and now I am dwindling without any relationships besides my husband and children. I treasure these relationships, but I know enough about myself to know that I need to form some other relationships, some friendships. And I need to stop isolating so much.
And maybe you also need to stop isolating, it is making things worse. I have started to have an abnormal fear of being around people because of my isolation, and I hope if you are suffering through something similar that you take this to heart and break out of your shell like I need to. The upsetting factors I wrote about earlier in this post
are very real, and very unnecessary. It’s unnecessary because it is entirely avoidable to have these worsening symptoms if I were to put myself out there and make some friends, I think sometimes friends are undervalued, and I have probably undervalued mine in the past as well. So put yourself out there and don’t isolate yourself more, not out of fear or anything else. You deserve better than that, and so do I.
Best regards,
~TKNott~
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