Ideally, in a relationship there is a good flow of communication, trust and respect. But this isn’t always the case, is it? It’s unfortunate and true. If you love someone you want nothing more than these things. But when your best friend, husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend or whoever is suffering from mental health illnesses communicating with them can be incredibly frustrating. They can’t always express themselves, or they do these things you find odd, and you don’t talk about it. Or maybe they’re angry or sad a lot, whatever it is having any kind of relationship with someone suffering mentally can be challenging. Some people think they are attention-seeking, some believe they are just weird and want nothing to do with them, some befriend them out of pity. But the thing is, people with certain mental health issues can’t stand too much attention it gives them anxiety because they want to try and be or act normal then there is the whole mental battle of omg how do I act like a normal person! We also hate pity. And even if we are weird, we are probably way cooler and more fun than normal folk! Ok I am just kidding there but going out of your way to avoid someone with mental health issues is very noticeable. We aren’t stupid, we see the avoidance and hear all the teasing and rudeness. Kudos to you if you do this by the way, you are successfully trying to push a suffering human soul over the edge. (Sarcasm, yes, it is dripping here clearly.)
But if you do have a relationship with someone and they have these issues communication is hard, and when that goes downhill the whole relationship can and will suffer. It isn’t anyone’s fault; it is just a fact. But while it isn’t anyone’s fault there are things you can do to correct this as someone who doesn’t share our mental handicap. Firstly, giving them too much space is absolutely a mistake. Everyone needs and wants some alone time, but too much is not something that will help in the long run. That puts it in our head that you don’t want to deal with us on our bad days or even hear about it which in turn can push us further in our little hole that we feel we shouldn’t climb out of. Easily avoided by encouraging them to talk to you. If you are a friend and don’t see them often, randomly reaching out more often than one month is an incredible uplifter that we don’t even realize we need. And a gentle push to discuss their current mental status good or bad can be really helpful. But it instills that we still matter and can help bring those suffering out of that depression or rage or anxiety.
If you live with them, make it a point to talk about their mental health, not just during their bad times but during the good ones, encouraging this understanding for yourself helps us open up even more, knowing that you want to understand is such a major thing, there are truly no words to describe how beautiful it is to feel like you matter to someone, that your mental health matters to someone. We always feel like such a burden to people and maybe we are for some, but when you care and aren’t trying to decipher that strange creature you care about so much it doesn’t yield great results. I am absolutely not putting this all on you without the mental health issues, those suffering have their part to play, whether it is therapy, meds, or whatever else they need to be doing. But doing more than just being there, talking about more than the everyday weather, these things they truly help.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this!
Best,
~TKNott~
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