Remember the post where I said I didn’t have my life together? Well now I get to tell you about an awful week if I’m being honest, it’s more like 2 and this will make the third week. A nagging anxiety that I cannot get past, I’m sure you have dealt with it before also. A constant stomach pain, racing heart and a lack of being able to calm yourself down. These are inevitable sometimes with anxiety, it comes with the territory. It’s absolutely miserable and such a heartache to try and fight through. But when you rely on your strength to get through you somehow manage. I told you about my path to inner strength and I rely heavily on it, but I also rely heavily on my support, my biggest support being my husband, but also my psychiatrist. I spoke with him earlier this week and he recommended I start seeing a therapist to add to my support system, I was incredibly hesitant due to bad experiences in my past with them, but I have decided that I need to heed his advice and take this leap.
Not just for me, but for my kids. This is where I draw on more strength, being a parent is completely overwhelming, especially with 8 children, and it has definitely added to my anxiety but at the same time these kids give me strength to be better for them. They deserve at least that, such beautiful and important people in my life who are still so innocent.
When these times of anxiety are consistent for me, I have a hard time with my daily tasks and my motivation because I just feel paralyzed, which I have also talked about. I tried my workouts and while they helped as I did them, all of that anxiety came back when I was done, so I found more physical things to do. Physically accomplishing something is less of a strain mentally and that is why it is important to find something to physically do during these times. You have to focus on something else besides your anxiety, and for a short while it helps.
Something my psychiatrist said to me this week was that this was temporary, and while I already knew it on a logical scale it still felt good to hear. I know this pain won’t last forever, I look forward to when it ends, and I can be the real me again. Making these posts every week is challenging when I am in these modes but I have been looking past that so I can help you. This is one of those posts that are different than other mental health blogs, because aside from giving advice that I have found helps, you also get to experience this with me and know that you really aren’t alone. That although I am trying to help, I am also still learning with you to help myself. And that kind of experience is important.
These overwhelming times of anxiety really push me over the edge. I have had so much pain, jitters, racing heart and shakiness. The list of symptoms I have been experiencing these last 3 weeks are pretty vast and those four are the tip of the iceberg. Mostly I have been trying to occupy myself, my schooling feels as though I am on autopilot, but I am still managing to pull A’s somehow! It is very hard to get through this, but not being alone really helps. Surrounding yourself with positive energy, love and friendliness makes so much of a difference. I remember when I wouldn’t let myself be helped from anyone cause I didn’t think anyone really could help, and between that and now, although it hurts just as much, it’s easier for me to deal with. I am stronger for it truly, even when I am not realizing it because I feel weak I know that it is there because I am still doing the things I need to be doing despite all the confusion and forgetfulness I experience during these times. That’s how I know I can do this, because despite it all, I am in fact doing it. being a parent, keeping the kids fed, keeping up on my household chores, getting things ready for my husband to work the next day, all of these are accomplishments, big accomplishments during my bad anxiety spells. And writing really helps me, which makes making these posts for you and for me, easier. Maybe I should focus on writing some more during this as I haven’t really other than a post a week. I hope this helps you feel better as writing it has temporarily relieved the brunt of my anxiousness.
Best regards,
~TKNott~
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