One thing everyone knows about a sustainable relationship is communication. When you suffer from mental health problems, this is something that can feel almost impossible. Sometimes because we feel like no one understands. Sometimes we are scared to be immersed in a light that is different from how others see and feel things. Sometimes, it is because we don’t want to be judged, or even pitied. Let’s face it, people who don’t understand and don’t try to are misinformed and ignorant. In a relationship that might be suffering from a lack of communication due to your mental health there are things you can do to help ease yourself into being more open to that person. And if they can’t accept that, even if it is scary, you can’t force yourself to stay. You can’t force yourself to be normal and more appropriate for them. Change for them? How are you going to change your mental chemistry? You can’t turn a disorder off; meds are helpful for some people but not all of us. I am someone that meds really don’t work for. However, with someone who loves you and knows you have these mental differences than they do, being open is crucial. For you, and for them. Suffering from a mental condition and not trying to be open about it with your spouse while they watch you suffer is mentally exhausting for them as well.
When I first started seeing my husband I was usually drinking and a ‘fun party girl’, it was how I dealt with my disorders and mood swings. I put on a good face. We were just hanging out at first acting like teenagers together, and then it all changed as we started dating. When we started living together, I wouldn’t talk to him about my mental health. I acted like I would with everyone else, and it was so tiring keeping a good face all the time. Then my mental health started to take a turn for the worse, partially because I kept it all inside and never talked to him, I had started to concern him and then I casually just started opening up after I started seeing my psychiatrist. Instead of what I feared would happen (you know him leaving, calling me crazy, blah blah you know) he started to try and understand. He wanted to get me, really get who I was. So, I tested how I could help him understand so we could be on the same page. Here’s what worked for me.
Ø Picture the worst thing that could happen and decide how I would deal with that.
Ø Let myself feel how awful it would be to prepare myself if that became the case.
Ø Picture the best way it could go.
Ø Picture life without him if I don’t let him in.
Ø Blurt out one thing about how I am feeling without thinking.
After you have discovered one thing you can tell him or her about, the rest finds its way. Something else that helps me is mounds of prayer, if you aren’t religious then maybe there is something else you can draw strength from. This isn’t a cure all for me, I have to repeat these steps sometimes when I need to talk to him about something that deals with my emotional health because my anxiety gets so bad it feels like I am always restarting. However, it has been a few years now that we have been together, and it is usually easier to talk to him. But on my really bad days I almost revert back to who I used to be and keep it all inside. That is when I repeat those steps, it isn’t a want to be open. It is a need, because if you don’t stay open it really eats at you. Even recently, I have been on such a down curve with my mental health and I didn’t talk about it and the confidence I have in myself has wavered so much. It’s truly vital to honest and to let them in.
Best Regards,
~TKNott~
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