We are parents. That means we are teachers, mediators, a shoulder to cry on, an advice giver, a trainer, a life coach, a role model, a safe place. We are so many things for our children, and we need to be. If we aren’t, then we are relying on others to be this for them. Throughout their lives they will have other teachers, advisors, trainers, role models etc. but they will only ever have one of you. Whether they have stepparents or adoptive parents this is still true. For your child you are one person. And as they grow you are obligated to give them tools. Tools to reason, be disciplined, and to love. Some of what makes those tools are moments.
What were the most prominent moments in your life that you feel defines who you are today? Did your dad tell you not to be a quitter, so you finish anything you start? Did your mom tell you not to stop praying and you never stopped? What made you? These answers for you are the answers you have to answer for your children. What is going to define them? What will they remember as what made them who they are? And how do you instill any values within them?
I have many prominent moments in my life that have made me who I am today, when I was around 6 or 7 for instance, I lived in a trailer with my dad and one of my brothers. My dad had this desk in his room, and he would often sit and draw there. He had this how to draw book and was working on a perspective piece with a cabin and a pole with a driveway. As I watched him and saw the result of his work my love for art was born. I told him, “Dad, I want to draw that good.” And he told me I could do anything, that I could take on the world, I just had to practice. You could imagine that I began that day because I did. For all intents and purposes, this trailer was my main childhood home, my favorite home. Of all the places we lived as I was growing up this was and always will have been my favorite. It wasn’t anything special really, but when it comes to who I am today, this house built the foundation of my creativity. It was in this home that I wrote my first short story, tried my hand at writing song lyrics, and learned to draw.
This was a simple and mundane moment, but we don’t get to choose what makes us. That is determined by your home, by your parent(s). When I told my dad about this, he was so surprised that I had even remembered this moment as I was so young. But it was a moment that was most prominent and created a different path in my future. As we continue in our adult lives, we find ourselves remembering some things from our past and realize ‘wow, that had a major impact on who I am today’. What will those moments be for your children? No one can tell you what these moments will end up being for them, but it gives one pause as they decide how they should continue through their lives.
In our home, my husband works hard out of the house providing food and shelter for us all. I keep up on mundane housework, my school and make meals. I make sure they get off to school and that my husband has everything he needs for work the next day. Before our marriage, I worked out of the house and didn’t keep up on housework very well as I would be so tired, it was messier, but cleaned on my days off. I hope it instills in our children the basics; provide and take care of what’s yours. There isn’t a ‘right way’ to be a mom or dad, only the way you do things. And how you do it is right for your family so long as they are fed, clothed, and loved. Notice I didn’t add a house to that, no. It doesn’t take a house to be a good parent. I was homeless with my kids a long time ago, they were still fed and loved and clothed, they were still happy and taken care of in every way. It is a sad thing, homelessness is increasing nowadays, but it doesn’t make them bad parents by any means. They just have less, and they probably appreciate a lot more than people living in a mansion
. ~Just an opinion of mine don’t get your panties in a wad~
Due to the differences in every household no two children will grow up the same way, not exactly anyways. Some households, while still similar, will still have kids who are different with different values and opinions. One might love art, the other might be a scientist, and that kid down the block will probably go one to be a famous singer. You really don’t know. But how they grow up, this is what will open that world for them. Something will speak to them, and they will just flourish, and we have to let them.
Best Regards,
~TKNott~
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